Thursday, May 15, 2014


If you could merge a print of "The Scream" with a still of the Death Star exploding, that's pretty much what I probably looked like at about 7:30 this morning.  Everyone has "one of those days" occasionally but the Universe must have been saving up in its stock of "pissy, annoying little things" for a few weeks just to dump them today.  Here's a chronological review of the day, and keep in mind that it's only now 9:03.

  • Hit snooze alarm once too many times.  Proceed to wake up at 6:10 instead of 5:45, therefore lose much-needed breakfast/coffee time.
  • Drop bar of soap on foot in shower. Ow.
  • Slosh cats' drinking water on floor. Spill some into cat food dish. [Proves to actually be good thing as cats are inexplicably excited about this.  Mental note: still does not merit buying wet food which stinks.]
  • Get halfway down stairs; realize classroom key is still in apartment. 
  • Start car; cannot find lighter.
  • Stop on Meadow street for gas/coffee. Pull up at the one gas pump that is out of order.
  • Move to functioning gas pump.  Go inside to obtain coffee.
  • Realize at this point that do not have change for Downtown Expressway.  Figure this is OK and will get cash back from coffee purchase.
  • This gas station does not have a cash-back option when paying with debit.
  • Need to use gas station ATM which rapes you for two bucks because do not have time to go to real ATM.
  • Get on downtown expressway.  Somehow the $20 bill has escaped into thin air.  Have to get IOU from very pleasant toll booth attendant.
  • Still can't find goddamn lighter. 
  • Lighter is in crotch.  Discover this when shifting around and lighter pokes sensitive dude-parts.
  • Make it to school just in time for first bell.
  • Receive email from colleague saying there's a $20 bill next to my car. 
  • Have complete meltdown. Implode. Compose blog entry from a different dimension.

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Thanks! Now, go get a drink, sit down and enjoy the show.